ROBORAGE! Hackers and MMO Players Edition

You know, I don’t get angry very often, but when I do I tend to ROBORAGE. There are two things bothering me right now, so lets quit wasting time and get pissed.

Hackers

These blasted hackers are terrible people. You might think it’s funny and madcap, or that Sony deserved it because they had some issues with their security, but wait just a moment. Ok, yes. Sony kind of dropped the ball with their security, but ultimately who really paid the price? The gamers did. That’s right, because of these hackers, the Sony Online network went down and hundreds of thousands of gamers (if not more) were unable to enjoy their hobby to the fullest. These people think they are making some grand display, perhaps showing the faults of the Sony security or some stupid BS. Well congrats, but now I can’t freaking play my damned games! You know, you could have just contacted Sony and said “Hey guys, there’s an issue with your network.” I mean, ultimately we got some free stuff out of the deal, but really you just made us gamers angry. Obviously you hackers are nerds like us, except without souls. Then you try and attack other companies like Bethesda and Sega? Come on guys, shut the EFF up. If you wanna hack the government or some chick’s facebook to steal her pics, go for it, have fun, post that shit on 4chan, but DO NOT EFF with the gamers.

MMO Players

This is how I feel when I interact with the typical Douche bag MMO player.

I am an MMO player, as many of our readers may have gathered. I’d like to think, however, that I am not your typical MMO player. I think what separates me from the pack is that I try not to be a total douche-bag. It really became clear to me how douchy MMO players could be when I was listening to a certain podcast. They were talking about Star Wars: The Old Republic and their commendations system for the warzones. This feature is one in which at the end of the battle, players vote on who they think was the MVP of the match and that person gets extra rewards. The hosts of the podcast were crying about how there was no incentive for the people to vote because they dont get anything for it. WHAT? Is it so hard to be cool to each other? If someone deserves some props, give them props. Why does every little action in an MMO have to have some kind of validation with it? Why not just feel good because you kicked butt? And then, if this guy helped us a lot, good job! This is obviously just my opinion, but I see actions such as this way too often. What happened to just running past someone who’s fighting something and throwing a quick heal on them, just because? I did that once in Rift and got a confusing tell asking me why I would do such a thing. When i explained that I was just being nice he said “LOL I’ve never seen that b4, whatever.” I can remember another instance where my girlfriend was playing WoW and she spotted someone fighting something pretty tough and decided to throw a few shots at it to help out. She was then sent an insulting tell explaining that she wouldn’t get credit for helping kill it and to never, ever do that again. Really? So the person was mad because she got some help? It’s not like she was kill stealing or anything. And then, you get into a pickup dungeon group and everyone is so on edge, ready to vote-kick you for the slightest thing. No one wants to just sit back and have fun with it. It’s a wonder that I enjoy MMOs as much as I do with the way these people act, all take take take. It’s not just MMOs, either. Even in everyday situations, no one is willing to help unless there is something in it for them.

Simply Fun: Inside Look at a Common Fanboy Tactic.

Fanboys are an interesting species. There are good ones and bad ones. Typically the bad ones have many varied ways of putting down your favorite games. They always want to show you up, make you feel inferior, prove in some crazy way that what they like is better than anything you could ever like, thus they, as a person, are much better than you could ever even dream of being. One shining example is how they tend to over simplify the games you like in order to make you feel silly for liking something so shallow and beneath them. This is clearly a ridiculous tactic, but I am relatively sure everyone has experienced this and recognize that it is by far one the most annoying.

I figured that today I would take some games that many people enjoy, myself included, and over simplify them and let you guess which games I am talking about. Then you too can see just how scathing this fanboy tactic is.

All you do in this game is jump on stuff and break blocks with your head or fist.
This one should be super easy, as it pretty much sums up most Super Mario games.

In this game, all you do is go into a dungeon, find some new piece of equipment that allows you beat said dungeon, then go into another dungeon to do the same thing several times.
Did you guess Legend of Zelda? You’d be right!

Watch a cutscene, sneak sneak sneak sneak, watch another cutscene involving some crazy conspiracy theory, sneak sneak sneak, the president is a robot! sneak sneak sneak SNAAAAAAAKE!
Ok, I kind of gave that game away, but its Metal Gear Solid.

Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click.
You could pick various games on PC, but I’d like to think this simplification goes especially well with the Diablo games.

Watch a cutscene, fight some monsters, watch a cutscene, fight some monsters, watch a cutscene.
This could probably go for several different RPGs.

Go into a room and shoot a bunch of stuff. Go into another room and do the same thing.
This could go for pretty much every FPS. Mix in some “hide behind stuff and shoot from cover” and you get Gears of War or the several other games that take that formula.

Kill giant monsters to make weapons and armor out of their bones, then kill more monsters to do the same.
Obviously this details the Monster Hunter experience. Maybe add pick flowers just to make it sound cutesie.

Down to forward punch.
Street Fighter at its most basic.

Run around on rooftops, assassinate someone, then run on rooftops some more.
Assassin’s Creed for sure.

Ride around on a horse killing gigantic creatures one at a time.
Cult favorite, Shadow of the Colossus.

Right click, 1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3. Loot monster. Replace loot in four levels. Keep doing the same thing. Get yelled at in pick up groups for no reason. Miss out on social life.
Pretty much any MMO, but more specifically World of Warcraft.

All you do in this game is look for sailors and collect toys from capsule machines.
Aww yes, the beloved Shenmue.

All you do in this game is talk to animals and collect furniture.
Animal Crossing of course!

Rolling stuff in a ball is you do, EVER!
Katamari Damacy!

Steal cars, run over hookers, and kill cops.
This one is far too easy, Cooking Mama. KIDDING! Just seeing if you are paying attention. Grand Theft Auto, obviously.

In this game you run around half naked ripping people apart and using on the screen button commands to kill bosses.
God of War, easily.

All you do in this game is catch cute animals and make them fight each other.
Pokemon!

Akbar's favorite pokemon?

In this game you move various blocks around trying to form rows.
Tetris… Ok that game is already pretty simple, but you get my point.

Now, imagine that I am a huge douche and I am not saying these things in jest. I mean, a good 95% of these games I am a big fan of, but you know somewhere some douche-bag is thumbing someone in the chest and telling them that their favorite game sucks because “all you do is shoot people”. This fanboy obviously believes his logic is true and he is the bee’s knees when it comes to video games. People like and dislike various games across the gaming spectrum, and that’s to be expected. Everyone is different, so why take a holier-than-thou approach to criticizing what others enjoy? If you’re going to bash a game, come up with something educated or more creative. Maybe the camera angles suck or you don’t like the story. That’s fine with me. Just don’t over simplify a game to make us feel silly. I am sure there is some game out there you love that when judged in its simplest form looks just as silly.